Over the Castle on the Hill
by Reade-Queen-Of-Versailles
Summary: [Modern AU Songfic] A road trip down Darling's country hometown is sprinkled with nostalgia, flashbacks and broken memories. / "Isn't it funny that I add good memories terrible ones to numb the pain?" / She can't wait to go home. (For salty nap princess…again)


**Over the Castle on the Hill**

 **I was just listening to the song and I realised it would make a great song-fic…here is angst, some romance, friendship and alcohol all mixed in on. My goal: to make you cry. But it probably won't work unless I chop onions…**

Darling laughs as the wind blows in her face. It's not a bitter laugh, but it's not happy either. She isn't sure how to feel when she steers from the main street into the pebbly dirt road that's just an hour away from reunion and tears. Everything looks familiar. The crunch of the gravel underneath her Mercedes's wheels sounds familiar. She laughs again, although she has nothing funny to laugh about.

She remembers.

—

She was six years old, and she could hear the screaming and laughter of the boys rippling around her. She had ran as fast as she could, but she was tired and she had a stitch. The boys were her brother's friends. Their names and faces she couldn't remember. But she remembered her leg. It was in pain, and it made her want to scream and laugh and die.

—

Darling stops herself, because she doesn't want to cry. Is she crying out of bitterness, pain, or nostalgia? She can't tell.

—

But then…there were good things. Darling was screaming when she fell, but just like her Grammy said, she's a big girl, so she didn't cry, but she smelt the wetness and sweetness of the dewdrops in the wild grass. She laughed, because she was just a kid. She didn't know about what would happen when she was older.

—

"I remember those days," Darling says, but he - she can't bear to say his name - he isn't there to listen like he always does. She's talking to thin air, but she talks and cries anyway, because he might hear her if he listened hard enough. "I wish I could go back to being a kid. No one judged you." She scoffs the last sentence like judging is ridiculous. It is, she thought.

She doesn't stop crying, but her voice doesn't become shaky and neither does the rest of her body. The tears just come, because they've been waiting in her heart for too long and the memories have freed them.

Darling has no idea what's wrong with her. She pulls at her silvery-blue hair, that was once laced with dirt and sweat and happiness, and adrenaline and mud and leaves and grass and flower petals. Now the only leaves and grass and flower petals in her hair are the smells of them from the expensive shampoo.

She curses her parents for taking her away from Grammy and mountains and wild plants and freedom. She curses them for taking her into a metropolis of skyscrapers and technology, and all the walls she thought she could climb were streaked in ugly spray paint. She curses them for making her perfect, a trophy wife, with ribbons and hair gel because of course appearances can solve everything.

—

She was rebellious as teenager. She had made friends just like her was she was in the country… some of them moved to the same city. Briar was a short fuse and loved trouble and going against her parents' wishes. Raven hated her mother and wanted to prove the woman wrong. Alastair just wanted adventure: so they added him to the throng. The last one to join was Cerise. She ran fast and was good at hiding, and that sealed the deal.

For the summer holidays, Darling's parents had returned her to Grammy to stay until school started. The gang came along, and they took this chance to find sketchy drug dealers in the area.

Darling was fifteen when she smoked her first cigarette. The smoke was awful, her lungs hurt and she wanted to cry. But after two or three, she liked it. She forgot about her idiot parents, her idiot brothers, and it was just her, and Briar and Cerise and Alastair and Raven. The cigarette seller was a mischevious part-time stripper named Kitty. She was witty, sarcastic and sassy. They added her to the group.

—

Now, wearing a blue tube skirt and a fancy blouse, Darling wonders what she had become. She wonders what happened to being free and having fun. She

laughs again, not sure why. It comes as easily and freely as her tears, which were beginning to soak her scarf. He had gotten her the scarf. The thought of him makes her want to scream. So she does.

—

Sixteen and she hadn't gotten any less rebellious. Her most prominent memory was when she begged her parents to send her back for the summer. They obliged, uncertainly, and she had taken this time to get drunk. She flirted with men much older than her, intoxicated by beer and shots and wine. Briar was laughing, holding Darling's bare shoulder with one hand and a drink with the other. They should have known it was an illegal bar. The sirens screamed at them, lights flashing blue and red and blue and red…

Cerise had grabbed all five of them and pulled them. They ran into the grassy field, where there was long grass and trees. Briar was still giggling. If they hadn't taken her she would have tried to flirt with the policemen. They heard policemen's voices not too far behind them and dived behind a bush, holding their breaths.

Darling was holding Raven and they were getting their pale faces in each other's hair. Raven's smelt like lychees and peonies. Briar had somehow fallen asleep, Cerise was being a professional silent hider as always, and Alastair's face was in Kitty's rather big cleavage.

The police had left after a while. Darling lay there with a noseful of lychee and peony, her heart beating in excitement. It was actually beating rather slow, because of the alcohol. Everything in front of her grew blurry, until she closed her eyes.

They had woken up disoriented. Briar had puked into another bush, Cerise was screaming that her migraine was a big bad wolf, and Raven was too tired to even blink. Kitty had somehow found her legs wrapped around Alastair's waist and his shirt torn off. Darling had giggled at the madness. But when she did, her head protested.

It was terrible. Grammy cried because she was worried that Darling might have been kidnapped and raped. Cerise had to go into hospital because her migraine just wasn't normal. Raven and Briar both slept like logs in the latter's room. Awkwardly enough, they only had enough energy to take off their clothes before they fell asleep, so Briar's parents freaked out when they saw two girls in nothing but underwear on their daughter's bed.

But it was good.

—

"It was good!" Darling grits her teeth and seeths. "It was! It was! It was worth it!" She repeats this over and over. She's unsure why she's forcing herself to think she had done the right thing.

"Isn't it funny," she laughs to her imaginary soul mate, who is still there - she swears his spirit is still there in her car. "Isn't it funny that I add good memories to terrible ones to numb the pain?" There's clearly nothing laughable about it, but she couldn't care less.

—

She remembers, again, when she was sixteen and had gotten her first kiss. She was drunk again. Real drunk. They were at Kitty's strip club, where the lavender-haired seductress had dressed in cat-inspired lingerie to pole dance while money was thrown at her.

Briar, Cerise and Raven were laughing together. It was cold in the strip club despite the number of bodies and they had worn revealing clothing, so the three giggling girls had hugged together. They laughed at the desperate men surrounding Kitty.

Darling had found a guy who looked the best-looking out of all of them. She had forgotten his name long ago, but he had ginger hair and a scrap of goatee and a green fedora and a guitar, and she didn't kiss him right, she knew, because it was a first kiss and it was weird and odd. Raven and Cerise and Briar were cheering and whistling, but they were definetely seriously drunk because after they encouraged the making out, Briar had pulled Darling apart from the man, and Raven had slapped the ginger's face and called him a pervert, and Cerise fainted on Darling.

The night ended weirdly. Kitty and Alastair hooked up (the other four had somehow walked in on it), and the others fell asleep in Alastair's van. They woke up hungover and disoriented. Briar had once again puked multiple times, but this time Darling and Raven joined. Cerise hadn't woken up, so Raven took her to hospital and the other two girls stayed.

Darling went to check on Kitty and Alastair, who were now having post-sex sex. When she came back to the van, Briar was sobbing hysterically in her sleep. But Darling convinced herself it was worth it.

—

"We haven't thrown up in so long!" Darling shouts. "Why haven't we? I miss the feeling!"

She's being an idiot. She knows that. More memories hit her hard.

—

Briar and Raven had gotten jobs as shop assistants with Darling to earn some holiday wages. It didn't go that well. The three wasted their earnings on cheap alcohol, spirits and canned beer and things like that.

They were scolded by their parents. Briar screamed that she was going to be trapped in an office for a hundred years so why not live it up now. Raven argued quietly that she herself was responsible for writing her story. Darling couldn't say anything, because her parents didn't let her. She hated them more than ever.

And then, her parents had enough, and they took her away for good.

She never returned or saw Grammy and Cerise and Raven and Briar and Kitty and Alastair ever again. They contacted through messaging, but that was it. She was ripped away from what made her feel happy.

And then she met Chase…but he was ripped away too.

—

"Why?" Darling screams, and suddenly she lets hell break loose.

"Why did you leave me Chase? Tell me why…please…I can't keep pretending you're still here…"

She looks at the seat next to her, which is empty. It doesn't look right. Chase is supposed to be there, teasing her for driving like a grandma and listening to her talk and playing with her curls.

But he isn't.

And then Darling realises that she's not laughing and crying because of the memories but because Chase isn't there to laugh and cry with her. She's broken inside, even though she tries to smother her sobs in laughter.

Chase makes her special. When he's around, she is his princess. He gives her presents he's sourced far and wide to find. He gives up his paperwork to talk to her when she cries. And he's always been there to hug her when she needed one.

When Darling left her gang, she needed someone to fill in the gap in her heart. He was all of her best friends combined into one - he was attractive like Alastair, curious like Kitty, comforting like Raven, fun like Briar, and loyal and warm-hearted like Cerise. And in Darling's head, everyone in her group had all transformed into this guy, this one guy, to stay with her forever.

But he didn't.

He went to live down by the coast.

And he never came back.

But now, driving down those familiar old country lanes where she ran and fell, where Cerise raced with Kitty, where Briar landed after a disastrous skydiving attempt, where Raven fainted when she heard her father had overdosed, she was returning to her gang, her group, her best friends. Like Chase had broken up again into little bits of the people she loved, and they were there waiting for her.

Darling pulls into a smaller dirt track she knows too well. She remembers all the fates of her friends from their emails and phone calls.

Briar ran away from home to start her own fashion business. Her parents were furious that she 'left to sell clothes', despite how much money and popularity she was gaining.

Kitty was pregnant with twins after the scandalous strip club night with Alastair. The blonde had never returned to her, so she had raised the two kids by herself.

Raven's father overdosed. He couldn't live any longer with Raven's mother. Raven grew suicidal and was forced into therapy. She then married Darling's twin brother and moved across the globe, and she hadn't heard from them since.

Alastair was given the 'dickbag' treatment by Kitty, and ran back to his hometown, Wonderland, and got married to a girl named Bunny. Turns out Bunny had an affair with their gardener, so he married another woman named Elizabeth Hearts who was the daughter of the mayor of Wonderland.

Cerise's family died in a fire. She lost her belongings, clothes, and house. She turned to the streets, begging for money. Eventually, she went to live with Briar. But before, she had almost gotten kidnapped and murdered multiple times and had to scrape through rubbish bins for food.

Darling smiles, but it's not strange or unnatural like the laughter and crying she released before. She smiles because they raised her to be strong, indepedant, headstrong, self-conscious, and she knows she can't wait to see them again. They're her family.

Her phone rings. She pressed it between ear and shoulder.

"Hello?" Darling asks.

"It's Raven…do you remember me?"

"Of course I do."

Before Darling says anything else, she hears scuffling and a new voice. It's Kitty.

"Are you almost here?" she cries.

"I'm on my way. I'm driving at ninety," the silver-haired woman responds. "Actually, I'm here now."

Darling parks and steps out. She sees her friends running towards her. Briar is tall and curvy and as rich as ever. Cerise looks better than Darling would've expected, but her hair's heaps longer. Kitty smiles like she always has, but she's avoiding Alastair and holding on to Cerise. Alastair is taller and buffer and he's got a beard. And Raven runs up and hugs Darling like if she lets go she will disappear. Her hair is in a bob and her skin has a pregnant glow.

They don't need to talk. They never did. They just smiled and hugged and cried. And they walk towards the hill, and the crumbling structure on it.

It's not worthy to be a palace. It's not even a mansion. It's a cottage with a thatched roof and timber walls and latticed windows.

It's not much of a sight. But to Darling and the others, it's their castle. It was and is always their castle.

The sun casts rays of light, engulfing everything in a warm aura. Slowly, slowly, the orb of happiness slips under the horizon.

They will live here forever. The mountain grass will make them feel young.

They will always watch the beautiful sun descend down. They will watch the sunset.

Darling rests her head on Briar's shoulder.

They will always watch the sunset, over the castle on the hill.


End file.
